Warning: Life-changing Ahead

Jamie Penn talks to two retreat participants about the physical, emotional, and spiritual journey that changed everything for them.

Kris McCabe prepared for the caregiver retreat in Colorado in 2022 as she would any adventure retreat. She packed her boots, layers, protective gear, and other rugged outdoor essentials. What she could never have been prepared for were the heart-opening and life-changing connections that lay ahead.

Kris had been a caregiver for her grandmother, who has Alzheimer’s, for over four years and had never spent a night away from her. But, she’d also been quite social and an adventurer before settling into her caregiver role. So, the anxiety that flooded over her at the airport before getting on the plane also surprised her. 

As women and caregivers, we don’t really know how desperately we need to stop, for everyone’s sake, until we do. This was certainly the case for Kris, and the unfolding that took place during the retreat made her feel as though layers of unwanted feelings and beliefs had been shed by the time she returned. 

“I wouldn’t be the caregiver I am today without the caregiver community that was formed at the retreat,” McCabe said. “Honestly, the minute I met Heather, I felt that the weekend could be life-changing for me.” 

Heather Zoccali, Brutally Beautiful founder and guide team, holds space for all participants to be witnessed and supported. Combined with the fact that all guides have been or are in the thick of caregiving, these retreats are unique in that authenticity, trust, connection, and commonality are established right at the beginning,’ leaving room for a more profound connection to self and others.

While persevering through physical challenges and embarking on daily adventures were undoubtedly a theme at the caregiver retreat, Kris felt that the most adventurous thing she did was to circle up with caregivers that very first night, listening to everyone share their stories and sharing her own. 

“It was the most incredible and powerful feeling, just to be a part of that. It gives me chills when I think about it,” Kris said.  

Silent hikes, screaming as loud as she could at the top of the mountain after a challenging hike, and pushing herself physically as others cheered her on were some of the most revealing and healing moments for her. 

“I honestly didn’t expect that it would have such a profound impact on me. I was just thinking it was going to be a fun four days. But, in the end, the support system that we created at retreat and all of the experiences I had there literally changed my life.” 

Julie Roberts was similarly a bit blind-sided by the restorative mission embedded in the retreat. “I’m an adventurer - it was the hiking, ropes courses, and natural setting that drew me in. So, when I arrived and almost immediately sat alongside other caregivers who proceeded to tell their stories, I realized I must have missed the fine print,” she said, with a chuckle.

For Julie, the unwrapping and shedding would come over time, some during the retreat and more in the months that followed as she continued to communicate and hold herself accountable to other caregivers she’d connected with at the retreat on weekly zoom calls.

“I care for my son who has Cerebral Palsy and a husband who has Gulf War Syndrome, and I never even identified as a caregiver.” 

Regardless of labels, Julie had made her way to the retreat because she had, in fact, become very aware that she needed a weekend escape to rejuvenate and to continue to care for the men she loved. 

Because nature had always been a source of respite for Julie, when she learned of an adventure-based nature retreat for caregivers, she’d immediately applied. 

“I do a lot of hiking, backpacking and climbing. But, I do it all solo,” she said. So, even the daily adventures with other caregivers at the retreat brought on a sense of vulnerability. 

“It was so good for me,” she said. Comforted by nature, she was able to open up to the connection offered and found so much joy in watching other participants who’d never actually been in the woods melt into it. Some were enraptured and others were a bit repulsed at first, but all participants eventually let vulnerability get the best of them, and allowed the calm and connection that nature facilitates to get the best of them. 

“Nature is powerfully healing,” Julie said. 

All participants were asked to find a comfortable spot in the woods while on a hike one day, and to write a letter to themselves in a loving way, as if writing a letter to a friend. 

“It suddenly hit me,” Julie said. “I couldn't love myself. That was the beginning of realizing that I had a lot of baggage I had to deal with before I could take care of these two people for the rest of my life.” 

Julie’s journey unfolded as much after the retreat as it did during the retreat. “Everything looked different somehow. It’s like being on the retreat gave me a new set of eyes.” 

Julie started going to therapy for the first time in her life once she returned, a promise to herself and to the group, and continues to grow on the path of healing laid out for her at the retreat. 

“When people ask me how I am now, I can actually say, ‘I’m good’ and really mean it. Because since attending the caregiver retreat, I truly am.”