A Million Little Losses

By: Heather Zoccali

The weight of grief drags me down,

Grief has been a constant shapeshifting companion.

With each passing day, it only grows stronger.

It's not just the big losses that leave me broken,

But the countless little losses that add up over time.

The loss of time, stolen by Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome,

The inability to do things I once loved,

The constant reminder of all I can no longer do.

Each one stings sharply as I reflect on what's been taken from me.

I've gained so much and learned so much in return,

But that doesn't make the loss any easier to bear.

The grief of who I once was, the person I envisioned,

And the things I'll never get to do.

I'm not the only one grieving,

My loved ones must also mourn the person they knew.

As they navigate this ever-changing version of me,

One second to the next, constantly evolving and unpredictable.

We talk about the big grief, as we should,

But today, it's the small losses that drown me.

Tiny tears that accumulate into a raging sea,

Of emotions too raw and real for words alone.

Today, a great loss looms ahead,

My hearing, soon to depart.

But it's not just this one loss that weighs me down,

It's the million little ones I cannot bear.

So today, I will sit in my sadness and anger,

Mourning all that was and will never be,

Knowing that grief and lessons will come,

But for now, I am too weary to face them.

Today, I grieve for the million little losses.