The Purposeful Decision to Disconnect.
My absence from social media has not gone unnoticed, and the concern expressed by my community has been genuine and touching. Questions like "How are you?" and "Are you okay?" have become regular, reflecting the tumultuous array of emotions that this year has brought forth—some so polarizing that putting them into words proves challenging. Yet, I've reached a point of acceptance, embracing the complexity and ambiguity accompanying these feelings.
In a purposeful decision to disconnect, I chose to power down, allowing myself the space to confront and absorb the intricacies of life's offerings. The loss of my mother, coupled with the passing of my father three years ago, has cast me into the role of a retired child. Within this unique space, I've grappled with a blend of emotions—experiencing relief and freedom interwoven with the poignant sorrow of unrealized possibilities. It's a nuanced mix, and I've granted myself the time to sit with and understand it.
It's shocking to discover myself enveloped in a mix of tenderness and sorrow, not for the loss of love, kindness, and the wonders of life that I did or did not experience with them, but for what they, my parents, did not get to experience. It feels peculiar to shed tears and mourn for the opportunities and joys they missed rather than focusing on what I lost. However, since I lost them from my life many years before their passing, the grief I feel is different from the more immediate and intense grief that others might experience in the recent loss of a parent or parents.
This reflective period served as a poignant reminder of my purpose—to create and hold space for individuals to build connections, rediscover their innate capacity for healing, and navigate the shadowy corners of their beings where resilience and unique gifts often reside. I advocate for the belief that nature, combined with the knowledge and permission to mend the mind, body, heart, and soul, stands as our most potent healer.
I was humbled to experience this again this year to be trusted and reminded of the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity for love if we allow and give space for vulnerability necessary for growth.
Seeking solace and introspection in nature, I contemplated what lies ahead. My pace proved unsustainable and fell short of my definition of success. This hiatus of reflection has been pivotal in reshaping my priorities and deepening my understanding of the profound significance of balance and well-being on this journey through life.
I am still trying to express all of this in words. I cannot yet; the only way I know how right now is to use nature to explain. Here is a stream of continuous explanations.
Amid nature's intricate movements, I learned to blend strength and gentleness, turning life's challenges into compassion. It felt like decoding the untold tales etched on the parchment of my soul—a surface textured by life's trials.
Navigating my emotional wilderness, I encountered the resilient facets of myself. The sturdy presence of an ancient redwood and the delicate beauty of a wildflower whispered lessons about embracing strength and vulnerability. I found a way to express this understanding in my emotional landscape, using bold strokes of resilience alongside delicate pastels of empathy.
Facing life's tribulations, I became adept at adapting without compromising my boundaries. Each challenge shaped my character like leaves rustling in the wind, murmuring stories of change and teaching me to move gracefully.
My journey brought me to the river's edge, where its ceaseless flow mirrored life's inevitable currents. I stood not as a passive observer but as an engaged participant, allowing the river to carve resilience from the stones, each ripple imparting a lesson in acceptance.
Under the ancient trees, I sought the quiet of stillness, where leaves shared secrets of compassion and restoration—wisdom rooted in knowing when to stand firm like a sturdy trunk and let go like autumn leaves gracefully falling to the earth.
Looking up at the night sky, the moon's gentle glow, and countless stars became symbols of my journey—navigating the dark void with the understanding that even in darkness, beauty exists.
In this process of self-discovery, I tapped into an inner alchemy—a skill to transform life's challenges into a healing elixir. My soul became a conduit, threading love into the very fabric of my being. Every step contributed to the story of a self-reborn and a life embraced.
